Hey I finally played your here is my review so far as I am still playing
Here are the pros
-First of the game has an interesting storyline in less than 2 minutes it drew me in with the MC background and mystery of the radio he found in his apartment which already got me hooked
-The text is clear and the option to choose how fast the text displays a plus for readers
-So far I haven't come across a game breaking bug or glitch
-The sound effects and music play well with the story as they suit each scene allowing great engagement
-The art style is actually great it is visually appealing (which is good since it can drawn players to pick up the game)
Cons
-So far not a lot of cons except one which is some of grammar is misspelled e.g there is part where the MC says Forbade instead Forbid in a sentence where he talks about the landlord and landlady say he shouldn't touch the radio during the storm when he wants to tune into the patrol officers announcement
Other than that I haven't come across another grammatic error. The game is excellent as visual novel I give 5/5 star rating which I did just by the presentation and engagement
Keep up the great work.I added this one to my collection āš½š
(the same comment as Reddit, but for anyone browsing on itch.io)
That was a lovely, meaningful story. I absolutely love the real-life inspiration. You wrote it in such a way that anyone moving to a new country could relate to the struggles.
The music and art are lovely. Always glad to read there was no generative AI. The sprite assets were sweet and wholesome, and so is the music. I think you made the music, and the sound effects were free sourced? Anybody who can make music amazes me; that has been my biggest struggle in my VN. š I think the song with the "woosh" sound at the beginning sounds unusual when it loops, but that would be my only criticism. I liked where the music transitioned, I think it suited the scenes beautifully.
-- SPOILERS --
I like how the multiple endings were done. From a player perspective, you made the endings very accessible (as opposed to some stories where the branches are difficult to figure out). I think there are two endings? Given the number of choices, I would've been interested in a third ending. Maybe a neutral ending where the protagonist struggles to fit in because they're always wishing for more (if you answer all the questions in favor of Limeria except for the main choice). Or maybe an even happier ending where the protagonist finds the track to being a designer again, if you answer all the questions in favor of your new life. I think the ending only changes based on one decision, but a different ending that utilizes all the choices would've been interesting. Maybe there is a third ending, and I didn't find it. š
I read another comment that said they wished Limeria was explained more, but I disagree. I think, given the good pacing of the story, I was satisfied with the explanation. I loved how you tied together Alicia's story after the foreshadowing. It raised more questions, but they're the kind of questions I like going unanswered. I do wonder how it started and maybe if there's some way to reverse the disappearances, but I think answering those questions would've made the story too long. If the you really wanted to revisit this concept, I think you set up the base for a great sequel.
But at its core, I feel like you wanted to tell a story about migrating to a new place, starting from nothing, and overcoming the pain, loneliness, etc that comes with it. And you did that wonderfully. Thank you for sharing your story.
And I really appreciate how you fit it all into about an hour. I didn't have to worry about being too busy to play it, and I felt like it was complete.
Played the game, i like your novel! There are few minimal flaws:
- 2 music/ambiental audios which have a weird loop point (the first sad mood music and the ambiental which kicks in when they announce the storm outside home);
- The Dialogue UI below the text box (the one which allows options like save, load, etc.) is located at the very bottom edge of the screen, maybe it could be a little above than that?
- I'm not very convinced from the gfx asset of the flowers in the vase next to the mirror, when the screen perspective is frontal, compared to the mirror: it stands out in a bad way;
- Aside the last fork, the previous choices along the novel seem to be relevant only for the next dialogue quote (all the rest of the text seems the same no matter the choice), hence the impact of choices feels not much relevant.
Now the interesting part:
The game is not that long and that's fine because it fits the scope of the context, probably it's good as it is and doesn't require extra contents. Maybe it's a bit a slowstarter due to the gloomy beginning which is a bit heavy to process, but that's the point of the story and that's what really relevant! The mood reaches the player, the ratio of time vs quality is quite good for the player.
The musics are cool, the main theme in particular is catchy, since i happened to hum it later for a while, great job! According to your YT channel, seems that you deal a lot with music, i guess you're a composer?
The story is nice as well, it genuinely pushes the player towards Limeria and then i willingly restarted for the other fork. About the characters, Tanaka has not much weight but the context heavily revolves around the main character and his isolation, and Alma for obvious reasons. Alma is quite charmy and i like "her" as a whole.
It's interesting your meta-representation of Limeria, as counterpart of its equivalent in our world (which in fact we might say it actually exists), and its implications/interactions with people. You seem to have a deeper awareness about the world than average and that's cool! It's always interesting to witness each individual representation of such concepts.
A part of me felt like it was cool if there was a third ending of sort, like for example saving/freeing Alma from Limeria (i felt sorry for "her") but, unlike Monika and her reality, "her" existence and role and Limeria itself are a way wider concept and that's an impossible thing to do... at least for the main character alone. Technically speaking, saving Alma is the closest equivalent to save the whole mankind... i always like to think that maybe one day it will become possible
Very lovely game i love small mystery stories like twin peaks, perhaps it was just a bit slow but it didn't detract from the experience and the music was a definite highlight ! Very cool stuff !
Even looking back at the VOD and making the highlight to preserve the playthrough, I think back fondly on the time I spent experiencing this game. Truly cannot wait to see where you go next!
---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- From Feedback Quest 8 Review: ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- I really enjoyed this story! It really felt like you poured your heart out into this one, and it makes me want to reach out and hug you until the world is okay again.
The pacing of the story felt just right, if anything a tad slow. I would probably like to see just a few more tie-ins, callbacks, or payoffs to offset the inner head thoughts. I do like the way the text is broken up by interaction; this works very well as a story device.
I absolutely love the sound design. Knowing when to play music, to play a sound effect, and when to pull it all back to silence is all expertly done, great job!
A few other small critiques:
The English version has a few typos (` instead of ') and a few grammar mistakes across the board. It's nothing serious, but when you go for a polish pass consider having someone proof read the transcripts.
In the Preferences Menu, the Sound and Voice sliders don't have any feedback. A small click or sound clip that plays either after the release of the slider or just on loop while holding it would improve usability of the sliders.
Hi!
Thank you so much for giving my story a chance and playing through the whole game! I watched the entire stream, and I can honestly say that in your interpretation the story gained new layers and meanings.
It means a lot to me that you enjoyed it and found it personal and emotional. This story is very important to me, since much of it was inspired by my real experience as a Ukrainian refugee after the war began.
Also, thank you for your suggestions on improvements! I completely agree — while watching the stream I noticed that the pacing is a bit slow, and it would be good to balance the inner monologues with more external events.
As for proofreading — thank you for pointing that out! English isnāt my native language, and the text definitely needs some polishing. And I really liked your idea about adding sound feedback to the sliders in the menu!
Also, a small tip if you play other RenāPy games: the engine allows you to skip already read parts of the text. You just need to press the Skip button at the bottom of the text box. The skip will automatically stop at choices and at moments you havenāt read yet!
Iām truly grateful for your stream! It means a lot to me — both as a developer, and simply as a person who wanted to share his story. I wish you good luck and thank you for the feedback!
Played this during Feedback Quest 8 and ended up adding this game last minute & I'm so glad I did. The storytelling was breathtaking & while I'm not someone who has ever dealt with being displaced, the story resonated with me as someone who has previously struggled with depression & isolation.
The writing felt very natural and I loved how the text was broken up within the text boxes to emphasize sentences & phrases. The sound design was AMAZING & definitely carried the atmosphere. I kind of wish there were more visual aesthetics to match it: I remember specifically wishing the Protag HAD turned on the lights during the storm, for example, so that we could SEE them shut off.
Regardless, this felt like a very complete entry to me. I loved just experiencing the story, which isn't always the case with Visual Novels!
P.S. Does the Stranger come back? I'm used to un-important characters having their eyes blacked out/obscure faces & so, I wasn't sure if we would see them again (maybe on another route?)
For my initial reaction on the game, you can find my VOD here (timestamps available):
For English not being the author's first language, the writing was PHENOMENAL! The amount of emotion he was able to evoke and the parallels he drew & came back to are something to be admired.
I truly look forward to an update on this & more of his games!
Thank you so much for streaming my game and for sharing my story!
I watched the whole playthrough and it was super nice! You created such a great atmosphere on the stream, and your voiceover was smooth and emotional. Through the stream, I relived this story one more time, and your interpretation gave it even more layers!
Also, thank you so much for your comments and suggestions, both throughout the story and at the end of the stream! They will really help me make the game better. The note about the light during the storm was a very good observation, as well as your thoughts on the art details (e.g. Almaās eyes), which add to the feeling that āsomething is not quite right.ā
The idea of making Almaās side story is a really good one, thank you! I had thought about it before but wasnāt sure if it would fit. Now I feel inspired to make it!
Iām also glad you found the sound design and music good. Thatās important to me as a musician as well.
Additionally, thank you for noticing some of the small grammar mistakes. English is not my first language, and the text really does need some proofreading — thatās true :)
About the stranger lady — I hadnāt planned to bring her back, but now Iām thinking about it :D
Also, Iād really appreciate it if you could copy-paste your review on the itch.io page itself, so it can stay there even after the jam. It would also be nice for others to find your content on the page and watch your interpretation of this story — though of course itās entirely up to you and your wish.
Overall, thank you so much once again! Your stream really warmed my heart and brought me a lot of emotions!
Wish you good jamming!
Also I`ve subscribed on your Youtube channel, looking forward to see next streams!
Thank you for giving the game a try, hope you like it! Would be glad to hear your thoughts about the game. It's true, all the comments make me happier as a developer and as a person, so I reread them from time to time :) I really didn't expect the game to recieve any feedback or donation. It's just a personal story I wanted to share as a refugee due to the russian invasion. I'm really happy that this game got some recognition. And the first sell really blew my mind :D
I played the game in the first day of streaming on my channel. Here my feedback of 30 minutes (I will continue the game ^^):
-Art: 8/10
-Soundtrack: 9/10
-Writting: 8/10, I think it's fine in how the writer takes the time to develop the moments, the feelings and the situations around the protagonist, and how is stablished the feeling of [I'm not from here... and it's difficult to adapt in a new ambient]
-UI: 8/10 It's minimalist and it's easy to recognize the letters, the buttons, it's comfortable to see and interact.
Many thanks for your feedback, I'm really glad to hear it and I definitely going to check the stream up!
Also glad you found my writing good considering English is not my first language! Looking forward to hearing from you about the second part! Wish you a good jam!
Playtime: 45 minutes Technical opinion: Good backgrounds, appropriate use of music and SFX. Short amount of sprites(only 3 I think? Which is not something bad since most of the story is told as inner thoughts).
Personal opinion: ************* (SPOILERS) ************* Interesting story about adapting and overall leaving the past behind. We always want more things or feel like we're missing something, specially if we don't have good living conditions. The story explores what would happen if an alternate reality existed that gave us what we so yearn for. If the protagonist had conditions that ground him in reality, I doubt things would turn out as "well" as they did when he succumbed to the desire to abandon everything. But precisely because he believes he has nothing, he convinces himself he has nothing left to lose. I feel like it's a story that explores the guilty pleasure of abandoning problems and troubles(but everything else too) and travel to an idyllic dream from which you'll never wake up. While reading, I couldn't help but make an analogy to suicide. The difference is that in the story, you travel to Limeria, an idyllic place. You go from zero(or almost negative) to very positive. With suicide, you escape the pain. You go from very negative to zero. Although They both coincide in putting an end to everything. I quite liked it as a short story.
Suggestions:
Since this is a small project, there is a noticeable short amount of music, which is to be expected and is not something necessarily bad as there are ways to work around it. I am a fan of not overusing music and rather use SFX for greater immersion like what you did during the storm when the radio is used for the first time. The situational lack of sound can generate uneasiness and tension if done well, specially if the reader is used to the sound. I personally like it when switching from white noise to nothing(when something shocking is said or shown) and then back to white noise. An example of this is the following.
I understand that the story has a fictional tone, but I would have liked to see a rational explanation for Limeria. I'm not saying the story should be realistic because otherwise it loses its mystical touch. I'm saying it could have had an attempt of a rational explanation that hints at why things happen, even if the explanation isn't very convincing. For example, I thought it could be frequencies that somehow induced hallucinations and eventually an emotional state so unstable that it led them to wander to unknown places where no one could find them, and somehow, unknown to anyone, no camera could record them in that state. My theory isn't a sufficiently rational explanation for the phenomenon, but there is an attempt at it, which I feel enriches the world even more. It gets better the more you leave things to the reader's imagination. My point is about seeing how the world reacts to the presence of an object that breaks the laws of reality.
Lastly, I understand much of the story is a monologue, but perhaps the protagonist's friend could have taken a more active role in influencing the protagonist's decision (for better or worse). Similarly with the other sprites(the boy asking for directions in the bus stop for instance).
I apologize beforehand if my suggestions seem to obtrusive to the way you wanted to tell a personal story, this is only what I personally think could improve the experience from a random average reader.
TL;DR: Great story. I liked it and enjoyed the experience quite much as these topics are interesting to me.
Many thanks for such a great review, I really appreciate it!
Iām really glad you liked the game!
Though references to sucide werenāt my intent (itās a very sensitive topic and I didnāt want to play on it), itās an interesting vision of yours! Iām glad you found an extra layer in my story!
Also, thank you for the suggestions!
About the music and SFX — itās a really good piece of advice! Iāve seen Death Note and that scene is a great example of using silence. It really could help the narrative. Iāll definitely think it over!
Increasing the Limeria lore would be nice too. Maybe in the future it would be cool to expand all the mystic/science aspects of Limeria. I tried to explain some things in the diary (in the good end route) but yes, itās quite brief now.
Also, about the role of the other characters — thanks for that suggestion too! It would make the game more interactive and less monologue-based, itās true.
Overall, thank you again for such a great review! Itās really important to me as a developer!
ā Return to game
Comments
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Hey I finally played your here is my review so far as I am still playing
Here are the pros
-First of the game has an interesting storyline in less than 2 minutes it drew me in with the MC background and mystery of the radio he found in his apartment which already got me hooked
-The text is clear and the option to choose how fast the text displays a plus for readers
-So far I haven't come across a game breaking bug or glitch
-The sound effects and music play well with the story as they suit each scene allowing great engagement
-The art style is actually great it is visually appealing (which is good since it can drawn players to pick up the game)
Cons
-So far not a lot of cons except one which is some of grammar is misspelled e.g there is part where the MC says Forbade instead Forbid in a sentence where he talks about the landlord and landlady say he shouldn't touch the radio during the storm when he wants to tune into the patrol officers announcement
Other than that I haven't come across another grammatic error. The game is excellent as visual novel I give 5/5 star rating which I did just by the presentation and engagement
Keep up the great work.I added this one to my collection āš½š
Fun and exciting
Thanks!
(the same comment as Reddit, but for anyone browsing on itch.io)
That was a lovely, meaningful story. I absolutely love the real-life inspiration. You wrote it in such a way that anyone moving to a new country could relate to the struggles.
The music and art are lovely. Always glad to read there was no generative AI. The sprite assets were sweet and wholesome, and so is the music. I think you made the music, and the sound effects were free sourced? Anybody who can make music amazes me; that has been my biggest struggle in my VN. š I think the song with the "woosh" sound at the beginning sounds unusual when it loops, but that would be my only criticism. I liked where the music transitioned, I think it suited the scenes beautifully.
-- SPOILERS --
I like how the multiple endings were done. From a player perspective, you made the endings very accessible (as opposed to some stories where the branches are difficult to figure out). I think there are two endings? Given the number of choices, I would've been interested in a third ending. Maybe a neutral ending where the protagonist struggles to fit in because they're always wishing for more (if you answer all the questions in favor of Limeria except for the main choice). Or maybe an even happier ending where the protagonist finds the track to being a designer again, if you answer all the questions in favor of your new life. I think the ending only changes based on one decision, but a different ending that utilizes all the choices would've been interesting. Maybe there is a third ending, and I didn't find it. š
I read another comment that said they wished Limeria was explained more, but I disagree. I think, given the good pacing of the story, I was satisfied with the explanation. I loved how you tied together Alicia's story after the foreshadowing. It raised more questions, but they're the kind of questions I like going unanswered. I do wonder how it started and maybe if there's some way to reverse the disappearances, but I think answering those questions would've made the story too long. If the you really wanted to revisit this concept, I think you set up the base for a great sequel.
But at its core, I feel like you wanted to tell a story about migrating to a new place, starting from nothing, and overcoming the pain, loneliness, etc that comes with it. And you did that wonderfully. Thank you for sharing your story.
And I really appreciate how you fit it all into about an hour. I didn't have to worry about being too busy to play it, and I felt like it was complete.
Played the game, i like your novel! There are few minimal flaws:
- 2 music/ambiental audios which have a weird loop point (the first sad mood music and the ambiental which kicks in when they announce the storm outside home);
- The Dialogue UI below the text box (the one which allows options like save, load, etc.) is located at the very bottom edge of the screen, maybe it could be a little above than that?
- I'm not very convinced from the gfx asset of the flowers in the vase next to the mirror, when the screen perspective is frontal, compared to the mirror: it stands out in a bad way;
- Aside the last fork, the previous choices along the novel seem to be relevant only for the next dialogue quote (all the rest of the text seems the same no matter the choice), hence the impact of choices feels not much relevant.
Now the interesting part:
The game is not that long and that's fine because it fits the scope of the context, probably it's good as it is and doesn't require extra contents. Maybe it's a bit a slowstarter due to the gloomy beginning which is a bit heavy to process, but that's the point of the story and that's what really relevant! The mood reaches the player, the ratio of time vs quality is quite good for the player.
The musics are cool, the main theme in particular is catchy, since i happened to hum it later for a while, great job! According to your YT channel, seems that you deal a lot with music, i guess you're a composer?
The story is nice as well, it genuinely pushes the player towards Limeria and then i willingly restarted for the other fork. About the characters, Tanaka has not much weight but the context heavily revolves around the main character and his isolation, and Alma for obvious reasons. Alma is quite charmy and i like "her" as a whole.
It's interesting your meta-representation of Limeria, as counterpart of its equivalent in our world (which in fact we might say it actually exists), and its implications/interactions with people. You seem to have a deeper awareness about the world than average and that's cool! It's always interesting to witness each individual representation of such concepts.
A part of me felt like it was cool if there was a third ending of sort, like for example saving/freeing Alma from Limeria (i felt sorry for "her") but, unlike Monika and her reality, "her" existence and role and Limeria itself are a way wider concept and that's an impossible thing to do... at least for the main character alone. Technically speaking, saving Alma is the closest equivalent to save the whole mankind... i always like to think that maybe one day it will become possible
Very lovely game i love small mystery stories like twin peaks, perhaps it was just a bit slow but it didn't detract from the experience and the music was a definite highlight ! Very cool stuff !
Thank you for the feedback!
Even looking back at the VOD and making the highlight to preserve the playthrough, I think back fondly on the time I spent experiencing this game. Truly cannot wait to see where you go next!
---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----
From Feedback Quest 8 Review:
---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----
I really enjoyed this story! It really felt like you poured your heart out into this one, and it makes me want to reach out and hug you until the world is okay again.
The pacing of the story felt just right, if anything a tad slow. I would probably like to see just a few more tie-ins, callbacks, or payoffs to offset the inner head thoughts. I do like the way the text is broken up by interaction; this works very well as a story device.
I absolutely love the sound design. Knowing when to play music, to play a sound effect, and when to pull it all back to silence is all expertly done, great job!
A few other small critiques:
The VOD highlight is linked below:
https://www.twitch.tv/videos/2558506274
I'll admit most of the VOD is just me struggling to turn it into an audio book, so if you want to skip to my post play ramblings / summary:
https://www.twitch.tv/videos/2558506274?t=2h19m54s
Hi! Thank you so much for giving my story a chance and playing through the whole game! I watched the entire stream, and I can honestly say that in your interpretation the story gained new layers and meanings.
It means a lot to me that you enjoyed it and found it personal and emotional. This story is very important to me, since much of it was inspired by my real experience as a Ukrainian refugee after the war began.
Also, thank you for your suggestions on improvements! I completely agree — while watching the stream I noticed that the pacing is a bit slow, and it would be good to balance the inner monologues with more external events.
As for proofreading — thank you for pointing that out! English isnāt my native language, and the text definitely needs some polishing. And I really liked your idea about adding sound feedback to the sliders in the menu! Also, a small tip if you play other RenāPy games: the engine allows you to skip already read parts of the text. You just need to press the Skip button at the bottom of the text box. The skip will automatically stop at choices and at moments you havenāt read yet!
Iām truly grateful for your stream! It means a lot to me — both as a developer, and simply as a person who wanted to share his story. I wish you good luck and thank you for the feedback!
Played this during Feedback Quest 8 and ended up adding this game last minute & I'm so glad I did.
The storytelling was breathtaking & while I'm not someone who has ever dealt with being displaced, the story resonated with me as someone who has previously struggled with depression & isolation.
The writing felt very natural and I loved how the text was broken up within the text boxes to emphasize sentences & phrases. The sound design was AMAZING & definitely carried the atmosphere. I kind of wish there were more visual aesthetics to match it: I remember specifically wishing the Protag HAD turned on the lights during the storm, for example, so that we could SEE them shut off.
Regardless, this felt like a very complete entry to me. I loved just experiencing the story, which isn't always the case with Visual Novels!
P.S. Does the Stranger come back? I'm used to un-important characters having their eyes blacked out/obscure faces & so, I wasn't sure if we would see them again (maybe on another route?)
For my initial reaction on the game, you can find my VOD here (timestamps available):
Thank you for the game!
Also copy+pasting my secondary response:
For English not being the author's first language, the writing was PHENOMENAL! The amount of emotion he was able to evoke and the parallels he drew & came back to are something to be admired.
I truly look forward to an update on this & more of his games!
Thank you so much for streaming my game and for sharing my story! I watched the whole playthrough and it was super nice! You created such a great atmosphere on the stream, and your voiceover was smooth and emotional. Through the stream, I relived this story one more time, and your interpretation gave it even more layers!
Also, thank you so much for your comments and suggestions, both throughout the story and at the end of the stream! They will really help me make the game better. The note about the light during the storm was a very good observation, as well as your thoughts on the art details (e.g. Almaās eyes), which add to the feeling that āsomething is not quite right.ā
The idea of making Almaās side story is a really good one, thank you! I had thought about it before but wasnāt sure if it would fit. Now I feel inspired to make it!
Iām also glad you found the sound design and music good. Thatās important to me as a musician as well.
Additionally, thank you for noticing some of the small grammar mistakes. English is not my first language, and the text really does need some proofreading — thatās true :)
About the stranger lady — I hadnāt planned to bring her back, but now Iām thinking about it :D
Also, Iād really appreciate it if you could copy-paste your review on the itch.io page itself, so it can stay there even after the jam. It would also be nice for others to find your content on the page and watch your interpretation of this story — though of course itās entirely up to you and your wish.
Overall, thank you so much once again! Your stream really warmed my heart and brought me a lot of emotions! Wish you good jamming!
Also I`ve subscribed on your Youtube channel, looking forward to see next streams!
Thank you for giving the game a try, hope you like it! Would be glad to hear your thoughts about the game.
It's true, all the comments make me happier as a developer and as a person, so I reread them from time to time :)
I really didn't expect the game to recieve any feedback or donation. It's just a personal story I wanted to share as a refugee due to the russian invasion. I'm really happy that this game got some recognition. And the first sell really blew my mind :D
I played the game in the first day of streaming on my channel. Here my feedback of 30 minutes (I will continue the game ^^):
-Art: 8/10
-Soundtrack: 9/10
-Writting: 8/10, I think it's fine in how the writer takes the time to develop the moments, the feelings and the situations around the protagonist, and how is stablished the feeling of [I'm not from here... and it's difficult to adapt in a new ambient]
-UI: 8/10 It's minimalist and it's easy to recognize the letters, the buttons, it's comfortable to see and interact.
Many thanks for your feedback, I'm really glad to hear it and I definitely going to check the stream up!
Also glad you found my writing good considering English is not my first language! Looking forward to hearing from you about the second part! Wish you a good jam!
A good story. Nicely done.
Thank you!
Playtime: 45 minutes
Technical opinion:
Good backgrounds, appropriate use of music and SFX. Short amount of sprites(only 3 I think? Which is not something bad since most of the story is told as inner thoughts).
Personal opinion:
*************
(SPOILERS)
*************
Interesting story about adapting and overall leaving the past behind.
We always want more things or feel like we're missing something, specially if we don't have good living conditions. The story explores what would happen if an alternate reality existed that gave us what we so yearn for.
If the protagonist had conditions that ground him in reality, I doubt things would turn out as "well" as they did when he succumbed to the desire to abandon everything. But precisely because he believes he has nothing, he convinces himself he has nothing left to lose.
I feel like it's a story that explores the guilty pleasure of abandoning problems and troubles(but everything else too) and travel to an idyllic dream from which you'll never wake up.
While reading, I couldn't help but make an analogy to suicide. The difference is that in the story, you travel to Limeria, an idyllic place. You go from zero(or almost negative) to very positive. With suicide, you escape the pain. You go from very negative to zero. Although They both coincide in putting an end to everything.
I quite liked it as a short story.
Suggestions:
Since this is a small project, there is a noticeable short amount of music, which is to be expected and is not something necessarily bad as there are ways to work around it. I am a fan of not overusing music and rather use SFX for greater immersion like what you did during the storm when the radio is used for the first time. The situational lack of sound can generate uneasiness and tension if done well, specially if the reader is used to the sound. I personally like it when switching from white noise to nothing(when something shocking is said or shown) and then back to white noise. An example of this is the following.
I understand that the story has a fictional tone, but I would have liked to see a rational explanation for Limeria. I'm not saying the story should be realistic because otherwise it loses its mystical touch. I'm saying it could have had an attempt of a rational explanation that hints at why things happen, even if the explanation isn't very convincing. For example, I thought it could be frequencies that somehow induced hallucinations and eventually an emotional state so unstable that it led them to wander to unknown places where no one could find them, and somehow, unknown to anyone, no camera could record them in that state. My theory isn't a sufficiently rational explanation for the phenomenon, but there is an attempt at it, which I feel enriches the world even more. It gets better the more you leave things to the reader's imagination. My point is about seeing how the world reacts to the presence of an object that breaks the laws of reality.
Lastly, I understand much of the story is a monologue, but perhaps the protagonist's friend could have taken a more active role in influencing the protagonist's decision (for better or worse). Similarly with the other sprites(the boy asking for directions in the bus stop for instance).
I apologize beforehand if my suggestions seem to obtrusive to the way you wanted to tell a personal story, this is only what I personally think could improve the experience from a random average reader.
TL;DR:
Great story. I liked it and enjoyed the experience quite much as these topics are interesting to me.
Many thanks for such a great review, I really appreciate it! Iām really glad you liked the game! Though references to sucide werenāt my intent (itās a very sensitive topic and I didnāt want to play on it), itās an interesting vision of yours! Iām glad you found an extra layer in my story!
Also, thank you for the suggestions!
Overall, thank you again for such a great review! Itās really important to me as a developer!